


You made flowers grow in my lungs

by temis



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Slow Burn, Slow To Update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23580241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temis/pseuds/temis
Summary: Leo knows that this time the distance is too much and they won't play each other in La Liga, which always helped to keep the disease at bay. He knows it even before he coughs out the first petals.
Relationships: Lionel Messi/Antonella Roccuzzo, Lionel Messi/Cristiano Ronaldo
Comments: 30
Kudos: 42





	1. Ya no se o que hacer conmigo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [detodores (chasingnukes)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingnukes/gifts).



> Hanahaki AU inspired by a prompt in the football kink, where Leo's disease is controlled so long as he has some contact with Cristiano.  
> I feel I should leave this here: I'm writing fanfiction, but I know nothing of the real people depicted here. Everything here is fantasy and should be considered that.

The first inkling he had that something was wrong was a heavy sensation in his chest, easily ignored as it was dismissed by the doctors after x-rays and exams. Only later would it be identified as the start of everything, even if not the cause.

The cause came before of course, though he hadn't recognized it for a long time. It came slowly with brief talks, appearances in the same events, careful hugs, smug smirks, gentleness seen only in flashes, compassion when warranted, complete emotional openness and the confidence to take on the world, no matter what it threw at Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro.

Sometimes, Lionel wished he hadn't been able to see as much as he had of what was beyond his rival's public face. Or that he could have been as emotionless, alienated and as unmoved as the press made him out to be. It would have saved him, his girlfriend and family from too much heartache, pain and many fiery arguments if it had been true.

Even later, when asked, he still could not point to a single event or occasion for when he fell in love with Cristiano because it was so gradual he didn't know it himself. But he could remember the first time he coughed up a petal and the confusion it caused, as he didn't know why or how it could have happened, for a long time after, he couldn't even imagine himself being in love with anyone other than Antonella.

It wasn't long after the 2014 Ballon d’Or ceremony, where he had been by turns uncomfortable and spellbound (in hindsight, he could admit it) by Cristiano, how his hand stayed on his thigh and the whole time it was there, its weight had felt like a warm reassurance combined with the Portuguese's cologne creating a cloud around him that only made his presence unmistakable and unforgettable - but not threatening or unsettling as Neymar and Gerard asked of him, later in the afterparty when they had reunited to drown their sorrows and commemorate at the same time.

And it's not Ronaldo's actions that made him uncomfortable - besides the physical contact, he had behaved normally for all the time the two of them had sat together, being warm, polite and professional as was his habit. Instead, it had been his own reactions - how he couldn't help but notice how Júnior ran straight to his father after greeting him, the Portuguese man's demeanor subtly shifting, still proud and open, yes, but also focused on his son to the exclusion of everything else.

It felt wrong to interrupt them, even though his mischievous side wondered how would Ronaldo react if he somehow arranged for a personalized signed jersey for Júnior before the night finished… After all, Ronaldo had said the boy enjoyed seeing him play, so perhaps it wouldn't be badly received by the Portuguese forward.

Seeing them together along with Júnior's grandmother made him wish for home - the chatter of his sister about fashion and parties, his brothers' stupid fights over anything and everything as if they weren't grown adults, mother's screams that they weren't raised in a barn, so stop acting like it, his father's discrete laugh at everybody's antics, and of course, Anto and Thiago, his safe haven in the middle of the mess his life had become after getting famous.

Her presence was constant throughout the night, his rock when he doesn't win and is disappointed he lost the award along with the world cup, even if he knows it would have been a close call, with the other contestants having a good year too, all three of them in top shape and with a list of accomplishments.

And yet, he has always thought of it as a choice between Ronaldo and him, quietly laughing at himself and wondering when he has started buying into the press bullshit and being so competitive over an award, one he has won before and will win again, with God's grace.

The translation of the winner' speech was somewhat delayed, combined with the background noise of Ronaldo's own deep voice had Lionel concentrating hard to understand what was being spoken, but the Portuguese's ambition and seriousness were obvious in his posture and countenance in the podium, and subsequently, contrasted heavily with the scream heard so often after his goals that he had to smile, more so when Júnior courageously walked alone to the front, despite being uncomfortable with the attention, latching on his father's trousers and hiding behind his leg as soon as possible and smiling only when the focus had shifted, leaving father and son together, as if in their own world, even in front of the cameras, not caring who saw their bond.

After the speech and award ceremony, Lionel could still feel the fast beat of his heart and thanked God that at least he wasn't blushing. He could already imagine what the headline would say if that had happened: "Messi disappointed and angry after being passed over in favour of Ronaldo!". Just more crap with people trying to sell their made-up stories using their names and the 'rivalry', never caring if it corresponded with reality or the truth.

Trying to banish any thoughts of Ronaldo from his mind, he went to the party, ready to find Antonella and his Barça companions, dancing away his disappointment and confusion.

One week after the award show, his chest started to be weighted down, as if something inside was blocking his breathing and he tried to follow his doctor's orders to rest, enjoying his time off from football, and by Antonella's insistence, at least for the off season, any sport ball was forbidden at their home (it helped - if not with the heaviness in his chest, then at least their absence made it harder for his mind to indulge in flashbacks of Ronaldo's appearance during the ballon d'or).

In the end, two weeks later, he desperately coughed up the first orange draped petal of many to come in the following three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I wrote enough so the first chapter would have exactly 1007 words. Because I'm a nerd.


	2. It hurts like hell

It was morning. Anto was out, she had taken Thiago to play in a park so he could enjoy the day, while Leo was resting after the game against Villarreal. He was lying in the couch, answering e-mails and looking at the news - Real Madrid's Isco had liked a polemic post in twitter, newspapers were analyzing his partnership with Neymar inside the pitch, Real Madrid had won their match against Real Sociedad, even without Ronaldo with a 4 a 1 score... 

He felt his chest become heavy, as it happened sometimes nowadays. His breathing, even though it wasn't blocked, seemed to pass through something, as if the air came in contact with an object in his lungs before being expelled normally.

This time, however, besides the discomfort, he felt also the need to cough - something was stuck in his throat, choking him. When he could breathe again he was surprised to see an orange petal in his hand. He didn't know how or why a petal (a flower?) would be inside his body… For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating, but the delicate shape was still there, even after he went to the kitchen, drank some water and washed his face.

Leo didn't know what to do for a few minutes, then decided to Google it, to see if there was a reason or way for flowers or petals to be inside somebody (besides the obvious of eating them).  
To his surprise, the first link was a medical site - a Spanish medical centre. It was an article about illnesses with an emotional cause. He found a mention of the possibility of flowers growing in someone's lungs - if that person was suffering from unrequited love.

The only thing he could think of was that Antonella didn't love him. There was a lump in his throat, his eyes burned and he started panting while trying not to cry. He couldn't imagine his life without her - he had fallen in love as a teenager. Even after becoming famous, with fans throwing themselves at him, parties and models, Anto was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Still, with the petal in his hand, he took a deep breath. Maybe it was a mistake (God, he hoped it was a mistake). He had sen only one link, with little information (it was an uncommon disease). At least he now knew the name to research more - Hanahaki. He could search for treatments or a cure, beyond knowing more about its cause, consequences and symptoms.

The second link was a couple of lines, just repetition of what he had already read. When he added words like "symptoms" and "treatment" the results fell drastically. In one of the remaining sites, he found an explanation of the illness' stages, how the symptoms evolve and possible. According to it, so long as his love interest were near, the sickness wouldn't advance. In case he stayed away for too long, it would advance, and only being close to her would make it regress. 

  
Leo didn't know how to process that information. If the site was right, then he shouldn't be feeling anything, even if he was sick. He and Anto were attached to the hips, even more so after Thiago's birth. All his free time was spent with his family and friends - not only Anto and Thiago but also his brothers and parents. There were parties with the other Barça players too. If he wasn't travelling or playing, he was at home with them.

Maybe it was another illness? He searched once more, but the only one that matched was Hanahaki. Leo decided to set this aside for now and see what after-effects there were and if there was a cure. According to the sites he found, the only known permanent cure was having his love requited or to undergo a surgery to remove the flowers that symbolized his feelings.

The first option... Leo couldn't think about that now. Not before knowing more about the disease - maybe there were mutations? Something that would allow it to progress even if the loved one was close. (He pointedly ignored that no article mentioned something like that.) The surgery had many side-effects, like a reduced respiratory capacity (a death sentence to his career) and the possibility of losing all his feelings and memories related to Anto and everything and everyone he associated with her.   
The sheer idea of losing the memories he had with Antonella was bad enough, but if it also hit Thiago? It was inconceivable to think he could lose the love he had for his son, no matter what a random site had written about the matter.

How many times hadn't he heard that if you looked up symptoms with Google you would end up thinking you were dying? There was more than one meme about this, and they were right. The internet was not a doctor's practice, there was no reason to believe in what he was reading. And in truth, had he truly coughed up a petal? Maybe it had been just a lapse of attention while coughing up and the petal had landed on his hand from the garden. Much more believable than having a very uncommon disease that made flowers grow inside his body.

With this in mind, and not feeling the pressure on his chest, why would he look for another doctor? When he already had one from Barcelona and he didn't feel ill, his breathing was normal. When he looked at the time, noticed it was almost midday. Leo called an Argentinian restaurant, asking if they would deliver for lunch. Everything would be ready for when Anto and Thiago returned. He decided to ignore his diet for one day, to enjoy his favorite dish from home.

Even though he loves Barcelona, knowing the city as much as any Barcelonian... He still missed Rosario, his family and friends. His old neighborhood seemed to have new changes every time he visited. He missed hearing the accent, so different from the abrupt Spanish or even the sonorous Catalan.

Leo sent a message to Rodrigo, asking if his brother was free that night. There was nothing better than spending time with his family, see his nephews, taste his brother's food (especially as he knew all their mother's recipes) and forget that flower disease. 

And if much later, after they got back home, their love night was more intense than usual? If both would bear marks from it, and Anto especially would feel it more than their usual lovemaking? It was no one's business besides their own.

Certainly not his teammates, even though Geri whistled when he saw the nail marks in his back, making him the centre of attention in the dressing room.

-Wow, you should tell Antonella we need you whole for the games, Leo! There is no space left untouched in your back.

Leo's face became tomato red, remembering exactly what happened for Anto to mark him that way. He quickly tried to think of something. Of all the places to remember one of the best nights with his girlfriend, the dressing room before training was not on his list.

Ney and Luís laughed at Geri's joke, embarrassing him again. Leo put on his jersey, hiding the marks and running for the pitch before someone else commented. 

Despite that hiccup, training went well, preparing strategies and plans for Atlético de Bilbao, their opponents in the next La Liga game. 

Even with the heavy pressure on his lungs being a worry, he didn't have any other episode with petals. He was sure it had been only his imagination, perhaps from the excessive worry. The medical exams were still clean, his lungs were normal. Even so, the chief-physician said they would keep monitoring his condition, to make sure everything was ok. He also cautiously suggested it may be related to a type of psychological stress. Leo did his best to follow the medical team instructions and unwind after training as much as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was called Leo's in denial in my notes.


	3. A moment, a love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be surprising, as the fic is supposed to be Cristiano/Lionel, but I hate when women are considered the villains of stories, and as my idea was to stick with reality when possible, Antonella has a big part to play in this story (plus I think she's cute). And this is a veeery slow burn fic, so we will focus a lot on other things than on romance at first (there will be that plus smut much later on).
> 
> I translated this from my own language and tried to adapt the point of view, hopefully it's not too strange.

Antonella was waiting the required time, alone at home while Thiago was in kindergarten. She didn’t know exactly how she felt - if she was pregnant, Leo would be happy, and if she wasn't, well it would only be one more excuse to have sex. Not like they really needed one, much less recently, when Leo is always close to her, ready to go on every single second they are alone.

His touches have changed - before there had been a possessive hint to it (and opposite of his good boy rep, more than a bit lewd), but since the last month it was more than ever before. If they went out, he was always at her side, hand at her waist or ass. And if there was an opportunity, he had no compunction in suggesting a quickie in the bathroom of a restaurant or inside the car before they went home.

She couldn’t really complain.Leo wasn’t the most handsome man (even though he was certainly the cutest in her eyes), but he certainly made up for any deficiency in bed. Because of that, she had cut her nails short, specially after helping her boyfriend take care of his scratched out back. She knew he had been bothered by his teammates comments, even if he didn’t say it directly, it was in the way he had been extremely careful from then on.

It was funny. The love between them hadn’t died down to cinders, like it sometimes happened to long-standing relationships when a couple is together for a while (God, it was already 6 years later?) - the idea that she wouldn’t watch one of his games, wouldn’t cheer for him or his club or miss the sport that had shaped both of their lives was unthinkable, however, their (sex) life had settled into a routine, like the house chores, appointments at Thiago’s school or schedule at the club for Leo.

Sometimes, she watched the walls of the mansion they lived in, shelves of pictures and trophies, toys scattered on the floor and felt dizzy. When Leo had returned to her life after years watching him only from afar when he visited Argentina, he was already a football player (had he ever been something else?), but her own future hadn’t been defined yet. She had thought of being a fashion designer and was in a university studying for that.

It was one of the things she regretted - if regret was the name of this feeling. She wouldn’t change her life for anything, much less Thiago, but there was a… wish or desire for everything. To have Lionel at her side, watch and be Thiago’s mother, to study and show she was more than Leo's arm candy and girlfriend. It was stupid. Even more so because she knew what others thought wasn’t as important as what she wanted to herself.

(When she was alone, Thiago in kindergarten, Leo training, sometimes she thought up new clothes and dresses, imagining details and trimmings of each piece, how she could draw them in sketches. And if her male model was a little short, and the children were always chubby smiley boys, what did it matter? Even if her hands itched to draw again, her notebooks and portfolios remained in a drawer in the attic, where they were since they had moved to Barcelona).

Leo had been her support after Miguel’s death. He had briefly came back to Argentina for her cousin and family. Gentle words, polite and soft voice. Even when he wasn’t directly looking at her, gestures and his answers assured that he was listening to what she had to say. He was one of the people who gave the most comfort in a sad time. 

And when he went back to Barcelona, it was with her number and email. The routine of college, home and friends soon started to include his games and a daily check on her messages and e-mails for his name.

Falling in love with Leo had been sudden - during the holidays, in a party of her cousin. Now he was taller, when before you didn’t have to look up to him, instead being of the same height. Later, she learned he had taken some liquid courage to talk to her, complimenting her clothes and dancing to a romantic cumbia song. 

They danced one, two, three songs, bodies brushing close before they went outside, far from the noise to start talking, exchanging news and happenings of their lives since they had last messaged each other.

He said something that made her laugh, and when she looked at him, his smile, his happiness for her happiness... It made her breathless, realizing the way he admired Antonella, as if she was the most important person in the world. How even though he knew much more of the world, many types of people, he wanted to listen to her only...

**Antonella's POV**

The cell phone alarm woke you up from your reminiscences, concentrating on the tests, seeing the lines appear. As you expected, positive. We would have another child! 

Would it be a girl this time, or maybe another boy? Your belly was still flat - the only reason you bought the test was that this month you didn’t menstruate as you should…

Putting your hands in your mid, you pictured Leo’s face - he loved being a father, playing with the little one every time he was free, carrying him everywhere and dedicating his time to Thiago.

It was one of the things you could never complain: even when Thiago was a baby and woke up in the middle of the night, many times it had been Leo who had got up to feed and sing him to sleep, especially in the weeks after the birth, even when he had training early in the morning. If it was properly morning, it was common for him to take Thiago to their bed, be with them as much as possible.

Some of your best memories were these: Leo putting Thiago in the middle of the bed, between both of us, watching him slowly go back to sleep. A second child would have the same love.

You would have to make an appointment, just to be sure - the last thing you wanted was to be disappointed in case it was a lase positive. Ina few minutes and a message you had a time set aside tomorrow.

If it were true… How to tell Leo he would be a father again? Maybe surprising him with baby shoes on the bed; or perhaps with a baby Barcelona jersey?

Or, to maybe poke a little fun at how serious he was about Barça, a little Real Madrid onesie? You laughed alone thinking on his reaction to having a symbol of Real in the house.. It was a good idea, but it had to be bought and hidden well, as soon as the good news were confirmed, that’s what you would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Antonella and Leo's second son has a habit of poking fun at his father and brother, and he must have inherited his sense of humor from someone, so why not from Anto?
> 
> Chapter edited 01/01/2021 to try and make the POV more cohesive.


	4. Illusions of the sunlight

Lionel looked on and smiled, helping Antonella set the dining table while she walked from one side of the kitchen to the other, making sure every detail was right, the dishes in their places with enough pickers and spoons for everyone to serve themselves and the decorations were on the right places... She didn't stop even a minute, had always been like that, even more so when his family came to visit. Rodrigo had taken a week off from the restaurant and was completely forbidden from acting as his day to day planner during this time, having left his responsibilities with an employee - it was the first time in more than five years that his time off aligned so he was completely free (after a lot of insistence from Leo for that to happen). Matias and Maria Sol were taking the opportunity to visit them along with their parents.

They would take this chance to announce the new member of their family - Leo thought they wouldn't even need to say anything. Anto radiated joy, so much so it was hard to just not be happy in her presence (even with the weight in his heart). According to Anto's doctor, the baby had just passed over the first trimester mark, making a miscarriage improbable. Still, Leo worried over her, helping where he could more than normal, taking care of Thiago, dragging and carrying the furniture while she was cleaning (he had tried to convince her to let him hire a maid, but Anto point blankly refused, saying she had to do something at home beyond watching the walls. He hadn't insisted).

When they were together, he wound himself around her, feeling her pulse, twining their hands on her belly - she didn't appear to be pregnant and it wasn't possible to hear the baby's heartbeats yet, but even just knowing they were there... His wish was to stay in their room with her and Thiago forever, lock the room to bar the outside world and stay just the three of them until the new member of their family was born.

(Stop thinking of the petals that were becoming more and more common and unexplainable after Barcelona's doctor told him it was impossible for Anto to be who he fell in love with. If it was so, he wouldn't have any symptoms, after all, that was the main treatment to slow down the illness. He had been shocked. The more so still when Anto told him she was pregnant... And seeing the Real Madrid baby uniform, he had hidden his face in her waist, to kiss her belly, but also conceal the way he had swallowed back down the petal that had tried to come out of his throat, staining one of the best days of his life.)

The bell rung, drawing him away from his thoughts. he kissed Anto before going to the hall, to open the door - his family had the key of course, and before Anto had moved in with him, they had gotten used to just entering whenever they wanted, but after more than a few embarrassing situations, everyone learned to ring the bell.

"Hey, come in! _Hermano_ , how are your holidays going? Matias, how are you? Sol, every time I see you you are more beautiful! How is university treating you?" Leo greeted each of his siblings, hugging them in a confusion of arms and voices - he missed this. Though Barcelona had sunk deep in his soul, becoming his second home, even so it would never be complete without their presence. That would never happen, he could never have all of them in the same place at the same time, at least not before retiring, and when that happened, they would already be more distant than now - with children to raise that didn't understand him, didn't know anything about Lionel, only "Messi" the legend of football, as if that was all he was even to his own blood (it hurt and corroded him inside, this idea). It was for this reason he insisted on always returning to Rosario. On calling and talking to Matias, Sol and Rodrigo, to use Skype and messages and later on Whatsapp, Messenger and Facetime, to keep in contact with his family.

"Everything is great, brother, I love the course, at least what I have seen of it and doing it through the internet makes it easier to organize what I have to do and when I want to do it. Tuli is also good, the only reason he didn't come is because he has his finals in the beginning of April and he needs to stay and study for them. And.." Before Sol could continue, Matias dragged her to his side, taking her from Leo's hug and interrupting her:

"You ask as if you don't know how her classes are going. Every night she calls you, otherwise you start checking on every media of the family to find what happened! I thought Mama was supposed to be the mother hen, not you!" Matias said, taking the time to untangle himself from his brothers and dragging Sol with him to the kitchen as she laughed. While he passed by Rodrigo, he lightly shoved the older brother, making him swing his arms to recover his balance, causing more laughter.

"I may be a mother hen, but it is Rô that seems ready to fly! Anto will be sad you didn't stay long enough to try her food" Leo poked his brother before helping him.

"You are both morons! Do you see what your beloved little son does when you are not around, mom? He is a saint only to those that don't know him!" Rodrigo took advantage that he was resting on Leo and messed his hair while the younger tried to avoid him, still laughing.

"By God, it almost seems like you are children and not grown men! Are you going to roll on the floor and fight in the hall without letting us enter as if you were ten years old again?" Their mother asked, hands on her hips and irritated face, Jorge at her side only smiling as they watched their sons' reunion.

"Of course not, Mama! With our luck, you will take a chancla from your handbag and throw it at us if we dare disobey you" Leo said, hugging both his mother and father before allowing them to enter, closing the door behind him and taking them to the dining room.

"It's a good idea, God knows that if I wait for you to listen to me, I will be screaming until the Apocalipse happens, especially Rodrigo and Matias. The only "but" is that I need to buy a bigger handbag for that" Célia muttered to herself, before taking Jorge's arm.

"Leo, have you ever heard of not giving ideas that can be detrimental to your health? Or mine for that mater? If Mama really takes to carrying a chancla in her bag one of these days, the blame is yours and I will make sure Matias and Sol know it too." Rodrigo hissed between teeth.

"She's not going to be so trashy unless you and Matias already went completely wild, so the only thing you have to do is not be an idiot." Leo commented, tapping his older brother' shoulder.

"Easy for you to say, hermanito, you are her favorite." Rodrigo said in a joking tone, hugging his brother again. "Now, tell me what's the real reason for this reunion? If you wanted to gather everyone, we could have done it at my house, even if you do have more space. And don't try and tell me I'm on holidays, you know very well it would have been a pleasure to cook to all of us again, like it happens when Matias, Sol and mama come to Barcelona. Is everything okay Leo?"

It was easy to forget Rodrigo was the oldest, competing with Sol for the title of most insightful of the family. Nothing went unnoticed when it came to their family. Or almost nothing. He hide his gaze over Rodrigo's head while hugging him, evading thinking of everything that was wrong. There were good news to share, and those took precedence. 

**(He refused to think of that while he should be focusing on Anto, Thiago and his family. It wasn't the moment or time, He knew sooner or later he would have have to speak and explain it to them, but not now.)**

"It's a surprise, but nothing bad, stop looking so worried and take the chance to relax as you didn't have to slave away at the stove today! And you are prohibited from spending the entire dinner trying to guess the ingredients or annoying Anto to get her recipes" Staring at his brother, trying to transmit the feeling everything was well, Leo slapped him in the shoulder while warning him off, before moving again towards the dining room.

"Do you really think I would do something like that"? Asked Rodrigo in an injured voice

"I'm your brother, of course I know that you would, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered telling you to not even start, silly!" 

"I preferred it when you were a small boy that followed me to the pitch asking me to teach him new football tricks". 

"Unfortunately, everyone has to grow and change... And now, I'm the one who shows off football tricks!" answered Leo, tickling his brother before running away from his retaliation.

"Lio, Rodrigo, stop clowning around and let's eat" Their mother spoke, carrying Thiago before going back to the kitchen, where everyone was reunited around the dining table. Anto had put the dishes in a side table, so everyone could serve themselves.

The main dishes were cazuela, locro (as the weather was reasonably cold still) and milanesa, with more than a few choices of wine, juice and soda. For dessert, Leo knew Anto had baked Alfajores from scratch, both the dough as well as the dulce de leche. Even if he wasn't allowed to completely enjoy the banquet (because of the club's diet he had to follow) he had in front of him, including some of his favorite dishes, at least the dessert he would eat without guilt and care for what his trainer would say (or which exercises he would have to do) later.

With everybody relaxed, jokes and bits of pieces of conversations flowing all around him, he was happy, even more so because of the news they would give at the end. Leo was careful to match Anto in her choice of juice. Her excuse was that she was making him company in sobriety as he had a game soon and it would be better to not drink, masking that she shouldn't drink in her state.

Maybe because of their subterfuge, his family seemed torn between apprehension and expectation when he started talking:

"Today we are meeting again to enjoy our family, but me and Anto also have important news! Anto, would you do the honors, my love?"

"A month ago, I was a little suspicious of some symptoms I had, deciding to schedule a check up with my doctor, and now I can say that I am pregnant with our second baby!" Anto smiled brightly.

Sol, sitting at her side, was fast in giving her congratulations and to kiss her cheek before hugging her brother. Rodrigo and Matias's voices mixed together as they asked a hundred questions one after the other Jorge and Célia smiling contentedly, Thiago in her lap (now her oldest grandson by Lionel).

"That's wonderful! Do you know how far along are you?" His father asked them while distracting Thiago from the chaos going on so he wouldn't cry.

"According to the doctor, I'm 16 weeks along more or less. We waited to tell you so we could be sure everything was alright." answered Antonella, still smiling as she got up to retrieve the plates, in which she was blocked by Leo, who insisted she should remain seated.

"You did well" Célia said. "You shouldn't stress yourself, much less in the first months. If you need, you know you can count on us, yes? It does not matter if we are in Barcelona or Rosario, we will help." his mother told them, staring as if trying to convince them by sheer determination to ask for help from her (or one of his brothers) if needed.

"And if we need, we will definitely call! But like I said, I'm good. I had my second check-up last week and the baby is developing well. Besides, if it was up to Leo I would stay seated in the couch the entire day like a porcelain doll - so to not break or get hurt" Anto rolled her eyes before lightly glaring at her boyfriend.

"Normal, I believe everyone is like that when our girlfriend or wife is pregnant. But tell me... Do you already have ideas of names for the little one? You know Matias is an amazing name if you have another boy, right?" Joked Leo's middle brother. 

"Only if they want to spend the rest of their lives worrying over their clumsy son, hermano" Sol poked her brother, while the others laughed at Matias' hangdog expression. 

"You hurt me like this, Sol! You speak as if I am a walking disaster" Matias retorted, pouting. 

"No, you are just a troublemaker. And is the cause of half my white hair. The other half is due to your brothers' teamwork. Now I only have the beard left, and Sol is working on whitening it too" their father deadpanned, surprising the table into laughter. 

"Which means Antonella, none of their names serve as a guarantee against concern if you take into account how they turned out. Don't make the same mistake we did" Célia added, under her children protests, while Anto couldn't stop laughing at her in-laws' words and the familiar chaos.

"Not even Lionel?" Anto jested, while combing her fingers through her boyfriend's hair.

"No, besides Lionel Júnior is not exactly the most original name in world, and that's without mentioning all the talk about copying Cristiano Ronaldo's naming idea" added Jorge.

"Of all the things to copy off the Portuguese, how to name your son is definitely NOT one of them" mocked Rodrigo.

Leo laughed along with the others, but excused himself quickly to go to the bathroom. He had started feeling an itching in his throat as well as the weight in his chest - the arrival of one more petal. Entering the bathroom, it didn't take long until he could spit it out. Like all the others, it was salmon-orange with the outer borders in a stronger tone, and sinuous shape like waves. After washing away the acrid taste from his mouth, he flushed it in the toilet. 

According to the doctor, the flower could be a clue about for whom he fell, as the meaning of the flower would match their characteristics. he didn't want to know who it was. He just wanted to be left alone - he didn't feel like he was in love, he didn't want to be in love. Washing his face, he pulled himself together to appear as normal as possible. 

The rest of dinner was light, airy and festive, the happy atmosphere slowly unwinding him. When it was finally time for dessert, he was absorbed listening to one of Matias' over the top stories, with corrections by Sol accompanied with Rodrigo's commentaries. It was almost midnight when his siblings left to rodrigo's house, while his parents were getting ready to sleep in their own room.

And if during the night he dreamed of somebody, when he woke up he had few impressions left of them [a bright smile, light touch in his shoulders, sensation of confidence], making the team's doctor questionnaire in a bid to know more useless, to both of their frustrations. 

To his relief, the Clássico went normally, he didn't feel anything during the game, but Dr. Gonzalezsaid it would not be like that for long: the longer he stayed away from whoever provoked the illness in him, more frequently the petals would come, until he started expelling whole flowers. And his lungs would slowly fill with them, until he couldn't breath, suffocating - he would literally die choking on flowers and asphyxiated by his unrequited love.

The treatment for a case like his, where the other person was unknown (or in cases the other wanted absolutely nothing to do with the sick person) was to surgically remove the flowers and attached roots, but the chances of losing a great amount of respiratory capacity were enormous. To most people, it was worth it. In his case, if he had the surgery he would have to immediately retire and abandon his career as a football player. Even the best surgeons wouldn't be able to up his chances by more than 10% of lessening the possibility of the pulmonary tissue scarring and losing flexibility because of the extremely invasive nature of the procedure.

And because bad news never arrive alone, Leo was reminded that even for the surgery it was necessary to know who he fell for, as the surgery-induced forgetfulness (besides all the other dire consequences) meant he could fall in love again for the same person and the surgery couldn't be done twice, the chances of maiming the lung region were too high. He would have to discover whoever it was that triggered the hanahaki, no matter what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used google translator for Spanish:  
> Hermano/hermanito: Brother/lil' brother  
> Chancla: Flip-flops


	5. A short drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, setting the tone to the next.

The doctor had asked him to make lists, lists of all people that he got in contact with, all the people who he may have fallen in love with. The problem of course was the falling in love part. He did not feel it. It wasn't like with Anto, when he went back to Barcelona and missed her, missed her smile and the way she spoke, wanted to see her again as soon as possible or at least talk to her, leading to a considerable rise on his phone bills, all to be closer to her. There was no need to be anywhere else than where he was, or where he would be (close to Anto, to Thiago). Out of guilt, he had established a final date for his cowardice: if nothing changed, he would tell Anto two months after the new baby was born. He was afraid receiving such news would make her condition more fragile and she shouldn't worry about anything while she was pregnant, this should have been a time dedicated to her and their new child... 

And each time, the petals came more easily - they were harder and harder to ignore, he was fighting against time and his body now, game after game. It felt like being transported to his childhood in some ways, but instead of knowing he could be better, that he should be better if his body hadn't betrayed him, now he was anxiously wondering if (when) it would stop working as he intended, when he would have to give up playing. According to the doctor, they could eliminate everyone he was in personal contact as a probable cause of his illness - and then he had to ask the man what distance would be enough to trigger the remission in the disease, to know who he would count as being in personal contact or not. All of Barcelona, players, team and employees were ruled out, as was his support staff. 

His only consolation for now: at least he was sure it wasn't any of his teammates' wives or girlfriends. They had reunited in one of their famous barbecues, but the symptoms stayed the same. He would have never thought he would be happy to be coughing up the damned petals, but better that than the knowledge he fell for a woman already in a relationship. His marital situation was bad enough because of it (even if Antonella didn't know about it yet, she would someday. he dreaded it), no need to fuck up someone's else relationship. He had become a professional in discretely coughing them out of his airways and swallowing back down the silky fibres, the touch of them itching and slimy as it went down his throat - the best way he knew how to deal with them for now, the only way to hide them during games, to not let his team know.

Even in one of the happiest days of his life, having won the treble, participated in the impossible again and being with his friends and family, he could not forget. His body would not allow him to. Worse yet, as they went back home after the commemoration, tired and happy, kissing Thiago's hair before bed, going to the bathroom... he didn't realize the door was open, didn't see Anto behind him as he coughed out a stubborn and sticky petal from his throat. It was only her curious "Leo?" that made him realize she was there (that she had seen it). All his plans were for nothing, as she approached and took it from the basin, not letting him throw it away or hide it, as it was his instinct.

"Leo, is this a petal? Since when are you coughing them up? How are you coughing them up?" her bewildered tone reminded him that hanahaki was a rare disease. He only knew about it through the internet. His first wish was to lie, to say it was nothing... But the same way it was easy for him to discover about it if he searched a little, he had no doubts Anto would do the same, her worried and curious face declared it so.

He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve her care or her worry, not after he fell for someone else while still in love for her, but he wasn't strong nor selfless enough to tell her so, preferring to bask in her attention for as long as he could, telling her they would talk about it in the morning, postponing their conversation for the sake of one last night of peace and harmony. He excused himself from sex, saying he was too tired and wished only to hold her for the night. He did, but because that may have been the last time he would be able to be with her like that, to caress her belly, to kiss her softly. He did not lie when he told her "I love you so much". 

He hoped she remembered that tomorrow morning, no matter what else happened.


	6. Tonight we're growing closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonella and Leo talk.

The next day was a nightmare. He didn't know how to explain, didn't know how to start explaining as there were so many things he himself didn't understand about what was happening to him. So he pretended everything was normal, at least for the next hours. Anto let him - for a time. She just watched as he played like always with Thiago, taking comfort in his presence, his innocence. Having a quiet lunch together, chatting about nothing more important than clothes and cars and what they would do for his break (he hoped there would still be a "we" after today).

Anto didn't let him hide or run much longer. Not after Thiago was in bed, their house silent with only them.

"Leo, you have been procrastinating the whole day. Tell me."

And so he did. He recounted the first symptoms, reminded her of when he felt something strange in his chest, how the doctors hadn't found anything. Until he started coughing the petals - until he asked one of Barcelona's doctors, still thinking it had to be a joke. How the symptoms would manifest over time, becoming more serious and debilitating as time passed. And the cause of the illness. How he had apparently fallen in love with someone he didn't know - and if he didn't find her, he would die. 

Before today, he had thought the worst day of his life would always be the 2014 World Cup final. Because he had failed at the sport he had dedicated all his life and at obtaining his country's dearest wish and his personal dream, one of the relics of his childhood untainted. He was wrong. Losing the cup was nothing compared to watching the slowly dawning realization in Anto's eyes, the hurt (betrayal) he could see in them. Feeling his own throat close, in sadness, wanting to reassure her, wanting to make it better. For a moment he wished she would scream at him, that she would be angry. He deserved it. 

Antonella's eyes filled with tears instead, and he drew her to him. Saying "I love you", no matter how true it was, would probably earn him a punch. so he cradled her in his arms, sitting in their sofa, running his hands through her hair. Just being there for her for as long as she let him.

"Did you lie to me yesterday, when you said you loved me?" Antonella point-blank asked, having partly recovered from the shock.

"No. God, no. I told you, I don't know... Honestly, I didn't believe it was hanahaki. I still don't fully believe it. Because I don't feel like I am in love, I don't feel any different this year than the last one. And the only people I want to be with are you and Thiago. I haven't stopped loving you. And I wasn't lying yesterday." Lionel said, looking at her eyes, trying to make her see he was honest.

"Why... why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why did I have to find it like this, on accident? Were you even planning to tell me or was I supposed to know only when you had found whoever it is, or when you were literally dying from it?" Her voice was low, tension and disbelief carried through it.

It was hard to keep any composure then, hearing her distress and anger for being left out of the loop.

"In truth, I was afraid. I was afraid of hurting you. I was afraid of the news having a negative consequence to your pregnancy and I didn't know what to do with myself. I still don't. I don't know what to do, I don't know who it is, I don't know how it happened and I would have been happier if it hadn't happened at all" Leo rushed the words out, his own emotions out of control. He hoped more than anything that Anto wouldn't leave him. That was all he wished, but he remembered exactly how it felt when he thought she wasn't the one in love with him, the anger, bitterness. How he had wanted to mark and possess, unwilling to even think about Antonella loving someone else. Selfish. And contrary to him, Anto has proof of his wandering, malfunctioning heart thanks to the disease. 

"I don't... I can't look at you right now Leo, I don't know what to believe in. Please... leave me. I need to think for a while." Her words were spoken between sobs, the strength of her decision in the way she disentangled herself, opening their door and asking him to go. Even if all he wanted to do was stay, he couldn't deny her that. Not after the mess he had made. 

Would it have been better to tell her as soon as he knew? Could he make anything about this particular disaster better? Or should he focus on trying to be as unobtrusiveas possible, at least until she calmed down - if she ever did? He hoped they could talk about it, that he could maybe explain? He couldn't imagine things ending like that, but he also couldn't remember seeing Anto so wounded. For good or bad, he would have to wait. It was out of his hands now.

He went to the guest room. He doubted Anto would decide something tonight. She would have too much to think about. hopefully, tomorrow morning they could talk again... He had the doctor's telephone. Maybe she would want to ask him questions too. If she still wanted anything to do with him after today.

He went to bed, but sleep wouldn't come, his brain too wired, thinking up all the possible scenarios: being left by Anto, being able to talk to her, breaking up, but living together because of their children. He didn't notice when sleep finally claimed him, too tired and sad to fight anymore.

The next day, he woke up much earlier than he had ever done. The sun hadn't even properly risen and he was already awake, though not well-rested. He had a headache, and trying to concentrate on anything was a battle, mind scattered. He checked on Thiago first, watching him sleep peacefully on his bed, favourite teddy bear on his arms. He sat there for minutes or hours, just remembering when Thiago was born, probably his happiest day, how tiny he had been when he could hold him. Even with his experience helping Rodrigo and Matias with his nephews and nieces, he was afraid of hurting Thiago without meaning to, so nervous with their son in his arms... And he couldn't imagine loving someone as much as he loved Thiago. 

And seeing him grow, watching as he took his first steps, his curiosity while exploring the world around him, the way his eyes would become so large and round and then he would try and touch whatever it was he had found, maybe put it in his mouth, to taste. He wouldn't trade any of those moments for any title or trophy.

And now he doesn't know what will happen to their family. He sighs and carefully closes the door. When he goes to their bedroom, the door is still closed, so he goes down to the kitchen. He is no chef like Rodrigo, but he can boil water for his mate and eat the first fruit of his diet, waiting.

He dreads Antonella waking up, what she will say or decide, and yet the silence of the house doesn't give him any peace either. 

When she comes down, his heart clenches in worry. There are shadows under her eyes and her eyes are red from crying. Like every morning, he makes her some tea (it would have been coffee if she wasn't pregnant), peeling an apple and cutting it into pieces, placing the plate in front of her, before going back to his seat. They ate in silence until she finished her plate and put it in the sink. She had her back to him, when she started to speak.

"I don't know what to say, Leo. I don't even know how to process what you told me yesterday. I'm angry, I'm sad, I have spent some good hours yesterday night researching hanahaki because I didn't know what else to do with the information you gave me. I have no idea what to think about this, and about us, considering you could have told me before. I think that hurts the most - that you didn't tell me anything, and I had to discover by chance. Didn't you think that maybe I would need to know soon anyway? What would you do if you suddenly started coughing whole flowers in a match? Or if you had to be moved to a hospital with your airways blocked? Would I have to identify your corpse in a morgue somewhere, ignorant of everything?" Her voice was controlled, ice furious and strong, each question making him wince. He had been so stupid.

"I didn't. According to the doctor, I consulted and is taking care of me, I still have some time before I start expelling flowers. And I didn't think much of anything, besides that, I didn't want it to be true and I still don't. And that I feared putting too much stress on you as you are pregnant." He explained himself as well as he could, voice meek and low.

"I can assure you it had the opposite effect." the words were bitten off, acidic. He didn't know if Antonella would ever forgive him for that, and seeing the situation through her eyes, he could understand it. Antonella took a deep breath, turning to him, leaning on the counter. "I don't know where we stand right now. The idea of staying together just seems pointless to me, considering you love someone else."

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him "No. I know you are probably going to tell me about the surgery, and how it is possible to just keep going. But you don't know who it is, so you can't really do it, and even if you do... Is that what you want Leo, to just... forget? Forget all your feelings for whoever it is and whatever areas of your life they are related to?" What if it is someone like Thiago's teacher? Would you forget everything about him too?"

"I can't say, Anto, I truly don't. I would want to say no, because Thiago is my son, our treasure, and I would never want to forget him. But I can't." Lionel put his head between his hands, closing his eyes. It was the most upsetting thing - to imagine he would forget Thiago, but the doctor had been brutal in his assessment that he wouldn't know what he could potentially forget or not until he knew who it was. he hoped it wasn't any of the staff on Thiago's kindergarten or school. 

"Exactly. And if they are somehow related to Thiago, what are you going to do? Then your choice is to either die or try your best to make them reciprocate it. If not for yourself, then for our son. And that's why I don't think we can keep on like before. " Anto chocked on her last phrase, a sob rising from her 

"Let's not... Let's not hurry things Anto. First I need to figure out who it is, so please, please, don't do this. We have been together for years, I don't... I don't want us to end over something that could be fixed." He stood up, walking to her, gently tilting her head up, so they could look into each other's eyes. He didn't dare kiss her, but he touched their foreheads, just resting together, both of them exhausted.

"Leo, I love you. I will stay with you for as long as you need me. But I don't think I can live in perpetual doubt if you will be able to have the surgery or if you will date someone else." There was a space there, unspoken words, the final option. Anto didn't want to say it though, preferring to continue: "And I don't think I can stay with you when I know you love someone else, I don't think I am generous or selfless enough to bear that. I'm sorry." She was crying, again, tears falling down her face, sobbing into his chest. 

He had thought about it, thought about the possible implications, about Antonella hating him... But it still hurt so much to hear that she wouldn't even consider staying together. He hugged her while she wetted his shirt, as his own tears slipped down to her shoulders. He didn't want to let her go, but there wasn't much to say, or anything really.

His romantic relationship with the mother of his children ended on a beautiful day in Barcelona, two days after the celebration from the treble. A reminder that he couldn't escape reality, no matter how much he wanted to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The complete quote that names this chapter is "Tonight we're growing closer/Closer to the end" - song is Just When by Nothing More.  
> I never thought about it, but anyone wants the playlist for this fic? All my chapters are named after them. 
> 
> Also... I'm probably going to do an AU fic of this one, just to play around with poly!Anto/Cris/Leo. But the fics will be independent of each other. 
> 
> And I am doing that because my brain is giving me alternate possibilities for each scenario...

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr if anyone wants to talk about Cressi: 
> 
> [Tumblr](https://tocadoguara.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Twitter for updatets: @TIsmetis


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